Navigating Secrets and Lies in Couples Sex Therapy: A Systemic and Holistic Approach (4 CE Hours)

When thinking about secrets, most couples’ therapists think of infidelity, the non-consensual non-exclusive sexual behavior that a partner keeps from their primary partner or spouse. However, as in art where beauty is in the eye of the beholder, couple’s sex therapists have to keep an open stance when learning about the expansive array of behaviors, omissions and fantasies that partners may describe as “secrets”.

In this workshop, the presenter will present an outline of the variety of secrets clients may keep in the process of therapy and how to choose entry points in understanding the couples and couples/therapist system. Using clinical case material that has been altered to protect clients’ confidentiality, she will offer expertise, and clinical questions to ask oneself when it comes to one’s countertransference, belief systems and intersectional considerations when working with couples who present secrets in couples sex therapy.

Learning Objectives:

After taking this workshop participants will be able to:

• Define who are the people active in the therapeutic system
• Identify 4 secrets that are commonly presented in couples sex therapy
• Differentiate what behaviors are secrets from experiences that are private
• Devise a treatment plan that allows them to feel free to make clinical interventions

Activity Schedule:

9-10 am Present theories and beliefs around addressing secrets in family/couples therapy

10-11 am Clinical case material exemplifying common and uncommon therapeutic

presenting problems and initial screening and assessments.

11:00-12:15 Continued case examples with discussion among participants around conceptualization around formulating hypotheses when working with couples, potential transference and countertransference situations, and clarifying one’s place in the family system.

12:15-12:45 Final thoughts around working with secrets and lies in couples sex therapy

12:45-1:00 Questions

Speaker Bio:

Sari Eckler Cooper LCSW is an AASECT-Certified Sex Therapist, Supervisor and a licensed therapist who has been in private practice for more than 20 years in New York City. She did her post-graduate work at The Ackerman Institute and the Human Sexuality Program at RWJ Medical Center.  She writes about sexuality on her website blog Sex Esteem® at www.saricooper.com, as well as on Psychology Today and is a regular contributor to CBS This Morning on the topic of relationships. She produces and hosts the Youtube channel and show Sex Esteem®. Sari also writes about divorce, sexuality and parenting on Huffington Post.

She frequently presents talks, seminars and workshops for professionals at conferences on many topics including: Sexual Avoidance, Compulsivity, Affairs, Discrepant Desire, ADHD and Sexuality in long-term relationships. She also presents to the general public on how to explore new sexual avenues in long-term relationships and how to talk to children about sex, as well as how a healthy sex life improves ones work life. She was a featured speaker in “Project Respect”, an educational program of the Sex Crimes Unit at the Brooklyn District Attorney’s office on the topic of compulsivity.

You can sign up for her newsletter on her website home page.