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PART III: ED Problems in Young Men Today

There are numerous things we at Modern Sex Therapy Institutes have found to be helpful for young men who are experiencing erectile dysfunction (ED). We offer a few of them here as suggestions to consider if you are frequently having this problem.

  1. As I mentioned in PART II, when a young couple is trying to have a baby it can sometimes become a job for the man rather than an erotic experience. I suggest taking a break for a few months from the business of making, and just getting back to erotically focusing on your partner and sex.
  2. A cock ring can sometimes help. The restriction of blood in the penis it provides can help maintain your erection, among other benefits.
  3. Don’t big deal it every time you lose your erection. Let it go and wait until next time you have sex. The bigger deal you make of it, the worse you’ll make it.
  4. Open and honest sexual health conversation between sexual partners is enormously important. However, I often find that until a couple shows up in my office, they’ve only superficially discussed their problems in the bedroom. Many guys won’t even approach conversations about their sexual problems with their friends but finding somewhere or someone to open up about these things can be helpful.
  5. Sensate focus is extraordinarily important for revitalizing sex and intimacy. Really knowing what turns you or your partner on and not allowing your mind to wander helps you to stay in the erotic zone. It takes practice and a willingness to imagine interaction without the penetration/orgasm model that porn offers. This might include simple non-sexual or nude touch or masturbating as your partner watches you or you them, paying attention to what’s turning your partner on, watching their face and bodily expressions.
  6. Allow yourself to fantasize during sex with your partner. It’s normal to think about past sexual interactions with or without the partner in front of you or the porn scene or lovemaking scene you just saw in a movie or on the internet.
  7. Mix up your masturbatory habits. Getting used to it in the same way most or all of the time can get you stuck in being sexual in restricted ways. Use your other hand. Squeeze lighter and harder switching back and forth.
  8. Switch positions or just stop and focus on the partner’s pleasure to see if you get hard again. It’s OK to stop thrusting, remove the penis, “fluff it” by hand, and then resume. It can be helpful to get used to “being with” their erections, letting them go down, getting them back up.
  9. Experiment with new erotic scenarios and situations, like having sex in a different room, dressing up in sexy clothes, or role-playing your favorite fantasy. The idea is to stay playful and keep the focus off getting yourself or your partner off.
  10. Finally, remember, erections are a relaxation phenomenon, not one of excitement requiring orgasm. They are the result of relaxed arousal, not mandatory equipment a guy has to “present” for sex to happen.

If you missed them, please read the other related articles in this series, ED Problems in Young Men Today:

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